i will go

2009-12-05T01:03:00.000-08:00

i realized i've been a weakling. i went home and cried into my pillow last week, then i prayed and study.
and i became positive(:
although there's 4 test and 1 presentation next week, im feeling less stress now cause i can feel the peace in me. thank you jesus(:
-

i'll do my best, one thing at a time, stay positive and everything can be done.

you'll do your best, one thing at a time, stay positive and everything can be done. jiayou zs, yuna, chuu! (:

2009-11-30T22:34:00.000-08:00

hello blog, im in school now, i just finished practising statistic. man, it's confusing. but it's easier than i thought -for the practical.
im stressed and tired. i wanna go home to sleep and cry into my pillow.
tmr is theory test and i have no idea why im feeling so stressed.. i studied for 4 days already but i still feel stressed.
):
the thought of week 8 frightens me. week 8 is full of test. research method test, nursing lab skill test, statistic test, bio prac, adult nursing presentation. im stressed. im not ready.
seriously, i feel more stress this time round then during exams.
i realized i cant support myself. i need my higher being.

test tmr. i wanna do my best. but i cant memorised. i feel weak all in me. jiayou wendy. jiayou classmates. jiayou chulee

2009-11-28T08:53:00.000-08:00

hey hey!! it's 1am now and im in my living room! haha it's such an awesome environment to use com! LOL i've been sitting here since 4.30pm (with breaks) to do my adult nursing ppt and it's finally DONE! COMPLETELY DONE. HALLELUJAH THANK YOU JESUS! HAHAHAHHAAHA!! YES now i can get back to sleep and be free from this particular project stress! ((: tmr will be a new day, a study nursing lab theory day! i wanna go swim tmr too, cause im jealous of my terrapin. haha i miss swimmingggggg!! anw gonna be 2 busy weeks ahead, full of test, test, test, practical skills and 1 presentation): i feel like my body is going to be sick soon. mama got fever yesterday and today, hope she recover fast fast(:

ok good nighht!!((:

2009-11-26T21:37:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a long but fulfilling day. i reached school at 8.40am to practise nursing lab skill, studied in the school library, went to gym for a 2.4km run with candy, meiyi and meena, went to statistic class and go back to study in the library again. i reached home at 8pm and found that one of my terrapin was gone. then i went to sleep at 9.30 but i got insomnia.

father said my terrapin wasnt moving for two days (but i saw it moving that morning and i even feed them), so he threw it into our hse rubbish bin. then mum empty the bin by throwing it into the garbage bin outside. I live at the 12th level...................!!! )_X im so sad i couldnt sleep while thinking about it.. im thinking if my terrapin was really dead or too afraid to move?

but im so sure that it must be dead by now, cause it must have dropped to death with all the smelly junks after mum emptied the bin. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

)__________:

SORRY BEAUTY! ):

now i left handsome. today i scrub the container and use a toothbrush to scub handsome's shell. i want to give handsome a good, healthy and clean hse. i hope handsome never dies.

and rest in peace, beauty, im really sorry. )_:

2009-11-21T06:04:00.000-08:00

what if i tell you that,
our life is really a dream.
would you sit and watch,
or would you live it through?

mysteries bring me misery

i want it to be history

but what can i do to

break away from it

these histories

make em' not so misery please

i hate histories'

every little story

so i say
everything was a mystery,
everything was a cue,
but there will be no more histories
cause everything's anew
yes, everything's anew

i suddenly got inspired with these lyrics & its tune.
hopefully i can learn to play it on the piano oneday and become a song writer too!

wendy has big dreams too,
but no interest in piano. forget it. haha

anw, im kinda sad that i wasting my time here. i dunno exactly what i want to do now.
school's fine, projects are fine too, friends' fine, family's fine, money's fine, life's fine? i dunno man.i think im gonna miss celebrating christmas this year. and im so sick of doing nothing on saturdays.
anw, am looking forward to cruise trip with sisters this jan. but not to project presentations. guess im not going to cambodia too, how sad. cause sometimes you wanna do something but u cant cause u get pulled down. if u noe what i mean.
well, many a times, i guess majority (or is it i always see the minority?) of the singaporeans are real selfish peeps. i hope the kindness is not fake and it's for the right cause. oh and i just got to know that singapore is on the list for the 6th richest country in the world now.

have i grown? im able to see ppl more clearly nw. is it a good thing or not?
hmmp. but i cant seemed to accept what i've heard cause they're just so bad.. rahh, that's an issue. but hey me, i'll try to digest them. it's 'growing up' process. haha

2009-10-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

(edited on 3/11/09)

(pic you made!:D i realized you and me, we dun take pictures tgt??!!)

chulee, thanks for always thinking of me and asking how i am. although i haven seen u for like 1 year, you're still the best of my best friends. haha. i love to read into ur life and love to see ur blog. do you know? u are my star. i appreciate stars all because of you. whenever i look at the star, i see you. whenever i look at the star, i know u will see me. haha. im glad to know u, really so blessed. i remembered during camp at sss, we sat at the playground and u carried me on ur back. you told me ur secret and i told u mine. do u still remember? haha.. i felt so blessed because i can be ur best friend too(: i am so looking forward to next thursday!!!!! :D

---

- (pic: in the beginning.. HAHA!!)
zhishan, you are so tall, i am so short. u are so thin, i am not thin. you got long hair and i dun have. you are mature and im so childlike. you grow up in the east and i grow up in the west (though it's still s'pore) HAHA! anw what i meant is, we are so different.. but i guess we can understand each others well(: i still remember vividly how i got to know u too. lol. we hanged out tgt everyday, going to the same canteen everyday(: many a times, i find it awkward cause we always need to dig out topics to talk. but as time passes by, we got to know each others so much deeper and im loving it! haha(: once i dislike poly life too, because i thought everyone was selfish and ''action''. lol. but you were different. you showed me how u care and ur smile is always genuine(: i still remembered how u took care of me when im not feeling well, your funny and sweet smses, the reminder of this and that, supplying tissue everyday. hahaha! THANKS dear, you are so appreciated((: tell you what,you are one with a big big heart for people. and.. now i love the road to south canteen, talking naturally, i simply just love to see you and yuna everyday. haha! (:

(pic: now..)
haha yay(: and i really felt so good about the chat on tuesday.. thanks dear!(:

2009-11-14T01:52:00.000-08:00

the sky is majestic. nature is beautiful. the creator is all mighty.

2009-11-13T07:18:00.000-08:00

hello blog.. it's 11.27pm now and i feel so anemic, im tired.

the thought of 'working' depresses me.
been in pre-contemplation phase for a long time.. stepped up to contemplation phase and suffered a relapse again. i haven reach termination phase!

i noe what to look to, i open it, look at it, think about it. but i sigh and close it anw.

why am i like that.. damnit

2009-11-01T06:45:00.000-08:00

做朋友可以非常容易，也可以非常的困难。朋友为什么不能互相信任？
朋友,您为什么没有安全感? 为什么必需如此认出我们的缺点?

朋友...

2009-11-06T19:56:00.003-08:00

there's a tree in my heart(direct translation). haha!

2009-10-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

hello blog, tmr's the 2nd week of school. it's school again!

2009-10-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

The end is such a scary place to start.
Everything is torn apart.
And I don’t know where to go from here.
In the end, there’s no reason to pretend,
I know you won’t be back again.
And I gotta find a way from here
I don’t know where I’ll fall down,
But I’m sure to hit the ground.
Cause it’s not over ‘till it’s over,
Every ending’s a new beginning,
One more chance to get it right,
One more chance to get it wrong.
And it’s not over ‘till it’s over,
Sometimes nowhere leads to somewhere,
And it all starts again in the end.
And it’s such a scary place to be.
Everything is in between.
I don’t know where to go from here.
In the end,
I see it’s all up to me
To figure out where I should be.
I’m gonna find a way from here.
I don’t know where I’ll fall down,
But I’m sure to hit the ground.
Ya it all starts again,
It all starts again in the end.
But it’s such a scary place to start.
Everything is torn apart.
And I don’t know where to go from here... 

2009-10-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

hello chuu! today's my 2nd day of school and im really sleepy, but im glad to have good classmates. haha i kinda look forward to your birthday! really miss you a lot, didnt see you for a long long time already. but i also know why i cant meet you. haha. nvm it's okey! im glad you still update your blog and share with me your life! hope you're doing well and stable. jiayou!

on the other hand, 4 more days and is A's birthday. i think A has forgotten me already. i dunno why but A didnt do anything to upset me. but just because A did nothing, im so upset, bitter and hurt. A was my best friend, but A forgot my birthday, which it means so much to me for A to remember, cause A is so close. A knows i left but did nothing to bring me back, i know i shouldnt blame A, my expectations failed me. A didnt contact me for near to 7 mths already. i am sad and i dunno if i should be angry. now even if A talks to me, i doubt i would be able to reply.

on that same day one year ago, i hurt B. B was the only one who showed me that B is sincere enough to remember and care that day. but i treated B's care as rubbish and stupid, even ganging up with A to get rid of you. if only i can be a better friend to B now, but we seem so distant now, i know B is afraid of me even after i apologise, im sorry.. really sorry. and thank you for ur love and care. i appreciate it.

im the most stubborn sinner on earth, im so so sure. because i gave up 8years of joy heartlessly even after witnessing so much. what cause me to give up? seriously, i dunno. i think i am too selfish. but now, i dun feel like going back too. im filled with guilt and hurts, i dunno why. i've abandon my life and i seem to not care about it anymore. 'to hell be my soul' seemed to b the best statement i'm living now. im utterly amazed by my stubborness, my firm-ness, my heck-care and bitter soul, spirit.. i dunno how to carry on from here and i cant move. butmy main problem is, i dun want to go back and i dun want to accept help. i cant seem to roll this stone away.

anyway, takecare(:

your star.

2009-10-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

missing for near to 8mths already, how time flies huh..

im sure i had mild depression that time, all my posts seemed so depressing.

but this time, i know i've recovered because.. it's been too long? haha whatever, it's the past!
been thinking -thought im kinda ready to blog again! (:

although it's different this time.
so here i go again! (:

2009-09-28T22:29:00.001-07:00

i just realized half a year is gone like this. today is the 29th of september, and i left on 4th of april.. well, seems like i was having depression then, but now im all fine and well..

yesterday i tried smoking and hey, actually cigrettes doesnt really smell that bad, and i felt coolness in my throat. but still, i dun dare to suck it in, just leaving the smoke in my mouth. haha. but even smoking that left me with no joy at all, only a thought of 'hey, my first time, kinda cool'. only just that. i guess smoking cant make me get addicted too. lol which is good lah. haha.. (:

well, my results are out too.. 2.957. improved by 0.086, which is good too. guess i'll study harder and get at least a 3 next semester, hopefully i will study hard and have that kind of motivation i used to have. (:

tmr's photoshooting for the new course in school, find it kinda amazing that my kind of face can get me into photoshooting too. lol. i hope it's gonna be fine.. hope the make up artist will make my face look better. haha.

oh, anw, attachment's over so im having my hols now.. nothing much to do with peopl around me but i guess i shall ask many friends to hang out tgt one by one.

well, until now, family is my utmost confidence and joy in living. love my family lots. hopefully my heart will be soften and i'll return to jesus again. but unfortunately, i dont miss church much? or at all? yup kinda sad to hear myself saying that. well whatever. i gtg now.

i guess i've given up my own life. whatever that is to come, come bah. i'll do my best for that then.

seeya, blog. till then, i;ll see when i have the heart and mood to blog. haha(:

off to play my cd rom games. ((:

2009-09-12T23:50:00.001-07:00

hello blog. it's been sometime since i last blog yeah? haha.. hmm how many months exactly? hmm 23 weeks. that's... 23 divide by 4 = about 1/2 a year since i last step into nexus. well, i dun really miss that place.. but i guess i need God.

sometimes i think im an angel send to encourage people to go back to God and they really did. but when i need an angel, i cant see any.. or perhaps i rejected the angels around me?

well, life's still the same, have been putting up a smile day after day to cover up my hurts and thoughts, ever learnt of facial feed back hypotesis? haha yeah. i was depressed and used this method. actually it kinda works effectively! cause i can really live as per normal now. just that sometimes, well, sadly only sometimes, i yearn to be back to my normal with God-kind of lifestyle..

hmm.. yesterday night i wrote in a book, i call it 'my dreams to acheive' booklet. i think i've been wanting a lot more lately, out of this life. call me greedy or what? haaha i dunno.. i just noe if someone has a dream, one can acheive them. yeah.

yesterday night i went to church with mum and we left half way for east coast view.. i am disappointed with myself cause i use to struggle with my body in church -body dun want to worship but heart wants. then yesterday, my heart wants but my body do not want. i saw the elderly kneeing down before God and i was rather amazed.. they're old and they still knee down, worhsipping God. why cant my body do the same? also, during holy com, i couldnt bring myself to participate in it.. though i drank it out of obligation from mum's nagging.. the pastor said about daniel's life with God. that he love God at the age of 16 and still love God at the age of 80+.. he asked if we will do the same.. and i answered in my mind 'no, i cant.'.. i have sinned against the lord and i noe it. but why doesnt my spirit, my soul and my body, my heart, my mind want to bring myself closer to God?

i noe, cause i am persuing the world now.. i want to excel in my studies, i want to be the best daughter i can be, the best nurse and student, i want to be happy, but i just cant find a friend. i have no friends, no close best friend, cl? yupp.. she's the best of my friends.

i yearn to be loved. to be popular and asked by my friends.. sometimes i wonder why i have this kind of social circle of friends.. hais.. where can i find true friends? i hope i can.

alright, i gtg now.. i know everyone has forgotten me. i just hope my family and cl wont leave me..

2009-08-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

geng
xiangling
willis
yanming
azimah
dewen
candace
huda
eugene
eileen
justin
desiree
huichuen
sathya
valerie
aminor
jihang
charlene
winnie
yuna
zs
shamini
bavani
aklily
jency
alanzo
jodie
stanley
rachael
leslie
meena
ezekiel
guan yi
nad
huifang
daryl
weizhi
shaari
daphne
inthu
guihao
mama
papa
jenny
celestine
weihong
joy
ms chia
chulee
maggie
jinglei

THANKYOU!((:

2009-06-11T06:31:00.000-07:00

hi.
just to let u noe, im closing this blog. it's been many years and i cant bear to leave it.
but anw, there're many post that i wanna keep, so i can read it in the future.

haha thanks for coming (:

2009-05-31T18:49:00.000-07:00

i saw ur blog and u haven changed, have u?
im kinda disappointed cause u ought to know why u feel this way and do something to change it.
im sorry i've been a discouragement to you, but i suppose u should still grow.
pls dont feel the same as me. it's scary.
you make me feel like the leading was all wrong from the start and i hope it wasnt.
i hope u can really do something and help yourself
i know u can if u want, so do something!

2009-05-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

''dont make any decisions when u're emotional''

2009-05-21T05:48:00.000-07:00

i wanna blog but i dunno what to blog so i feel like closing my blog?

2009-05-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

i have rashes all over my face and body!
doctor says i have food allergy.. i think it's the mango..
now my eyes are swollen too.. damn pretty..
i only have 1 day MC, shs tmr. i think the the children will freak out ):

I'M SO DISGUSTING!! MY RASHES ARE TURNING PURPLE! FASTER HEAL PLS..
it's itchy!

):

2009-05-10T20:55:00.000-07:00

2009-05-06T02:35:00.000-07:00

"i dont need to have many friends. i just need one that truly cares."
"i dont need friends, i just need my family"

my faith has formed wings.

2009-04-30T23:43:00.000-07:00

watched 'knowing' yesterday.. but i think only some will understand, cause the movie is too much. but i still think it's very good. haha

i dunno myself.
but u're greater than my heart, u noe everything.